Baby clothing that bothers me.

I know. How could cute, teeny, colorful baby clothes bug me? Hear me out. Not ALL of them bother me- there are some that are adorable and appropriate for the tiny humans.

Appropriate and practical. *Credit- google images "baby sleepers"

Appropriate, simple, and practical.
*Credit- google images “baby sleepers”

Those I like. There are some ironic/funny ones that make me giggle.

I don't hate this one.  *Credit- google images "funny baby clothes"

I don’t hate this one.
*Credit- google images “funny baby clothes”

This one is even kind of cute. *Credit- google images "funny baby clothes"

This one is even kind of cute.
*Credit- google images “funny baby clothes”

When they’re done right, I’m even OK with those.

But sometimes people put their offspring through fashion torture. Or try to make them too grown up with their clothing. Or use them for crude jokes. Or they state the obvious (or at least you hope it’s an obvious statement). These drive me a little crazy. Some of the sayings I’ve seen that make me shake my head are as follows:

“Daddy’s Little Tax Deduction”

“There’s a twosie in my onesie” (And other poop ones such as “Call of doody: Brown ops”)

Boobies make me hungry” (And of course other boob related ones like, “I don’t always drink milk, but when I do I prefer Dos Boobies XX”)

Mom read 50 Shades of Grey… 9 months ago

Some wildly inappropriate crude jokes I’ve seen (and I’m all for inappropriate, crude jokes normally…just not advertised on a defenseless baby- for those you have to know your audience and timing is key):

“I’m proof that mommy puts out”

“All daddy wanted was a blow job”

“Hung like a five year old” 

“He thinks he’s my dad”

“I tore mommy a new one”

I see what they did here.  *credit- google images, "funny baby clothes"

I see what they did here.
*credit- google images, “funny baby clothes

You might be with me so far and maybe agree on a couple of these things but I’m not done. The self-esteem/obvious statements on clothing for the little clones also kind of annoys me. Like:

“I’m awesome”

“Mommy/Daddy loves me”

“I’m mommy/daddy’s little prince/ss”

“Mom’s hot, I’m cute, Dad’s lucky” (mom either bought this “as a joke” or dad did to suck up)

“50% mom, 50% dad, 100% perfect” 

And so on and so forth. It’s pretty standard for parents to love their kids and think of them as perfect angels/princes/rays of sunshine/etc. But do we have to see it on their clothing. I feel like the 375728 pictures you posted on facebook yesterday proves how cute you think your baby is and when every caption is “My perfect boy/girl” it’s that much more obvious. Do you really want to raise a conceited child? Confidence is great, but there’s a fine line between confidence and conceit. But wait, I’m not done. It also kind of bothers me when people dress their children like adults. Little girl babies in skin tight leggings, or little skirts with a spaghetti strap tank top.  I mean of course it’s adorable that the same style of clothes you wear comes in tiny human size and you and your baby can look alike (and that’s cute for pictures and such) but do you want them to continue that trend? When your daughter is 13 do you want her dressing much older than her age? Probably not.

Do you always want him dressed like that? Do you? Really? *credit- google images baby outfits, swag

Do you always want him dressed like that? Do you? Really?
*credit- google images baby outfits, swag

Baby clothes with puppies, clouds, dinosaurs, etc. are adorable and appropriate and portray the innocence that belongs to the purely innocent. Now, it’s pretty likely I’ll have kids. It’s also pretty likely someone will buy us something from these categories. We’ll probably even wear it a couple times. But I’ll still shake my head. I don’t know why, but these things just kind of bother me. Not a lot. Just a little and enough that while I was picking out outfits for the twins I nanny for, I thought I’d make a little blog post about it. (we went with dinosaur sleepers btw) I’m not judging you if you have some of the aforementioned sayings on onesies, just that I look at them a little differently and probably over think about/analyze them.

If you’ve seen any ridiculous sayings/styles on/of baby clothes– feel free to share 🙂


About dawn of april

Figuring life and the "about me" out as I go :) In a nutshell: I work, go to school, run a women's book club, support the local music scene in Denver, and whatever else floats my boat at the time.
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