Love & Marriage.

Go together like a horse and carriage, right? What if that horse doesn’t want to pull your ass around in a carriage? What if that horse wants to have free run?  Sure a horse is pretty essential to a carriage, but it doesn’t go both ways.

The couple I want to be!  NOT.

The couple I want to be! NOT.

In the early/mid 90’s Haddaway asked, “What is love” ..and then pleaded “Baby don’t hurt me“. (*If you haven’t started singing either tune I’ve referenced or even thought of Night at the Roxbury or Married With Children, then I’m a failure…so be it*) So, what is love? Is it a common feeling we can all experience? Or is it how we interpret feelings we think we’re supposed to have at certain points?

"What is Love!"   You know you do the dance every time you hear it!

“What is Love!” You know you do the dance every time you hear it!

Traditionally, when two people fall in love, they exchange some vows, sign some papers, and look forward to the rest of their lives together. More and more, people are quitting before “death does them part”. Has the “love” changed, or is the way we deal with/interpret it different compared to the old days?

Nothing is forever (death could be argued here, but people have been pronounced “dead” for a brief amount of time before being revived, so it’s if-y). Knowing that nothing in this world is a guaranteed forever, is it worth signing papers, throwing a big party, and hoping for the best? Or is it just something we do for a security blanket that makes us feel like we’re guaranteed not to be alone forever?

Knowing someone is going to be there when you wake up every morning because of a legal document they signed, probably doesn’t feel great when put like that. Maybe you’re actually in love and there’s nowhere you’d rather be- but are you sure your partner isn’t there simply because it’s convenient and less paperwork than a divorce? Maybe you guys can convince yourselves it’s that forever kind of love and stick it out- and maybe it really is. What do I know?! marriage

Both marriage and love are reckless endeavors that have the potential to be messy. I’ve been married before and it certainly wasn’t forever. Since then, I’ve had moments where I wondered if I’d ever get married again. I said the second marriage would be my last and met someone who made me feel as though that was a real possibility. Six and a half weeks ago that possibility was shattered when I found out he was no longer happy in the relationship. Now I’m back to uncertainty.

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine the other day and we touched on this subject as he has been divorced as well. He said something that I really liked, in theory. Paraphrasing and such- If you are committed, it doesn’t mean you have to be married. If you’re not married, your partner has the freedom every day to decide if they want to stay with you. At the end of every day together, you can know that it wasn’t because they felt they “had” to or it was too much work/a big headache to get out- but that they had a choice just like every other day and chose you again.

Makes me think of the friend I conversed with :)

Makes me think of the friend I conversed with 🙂

In theory, I love that. In reality, I am a young woman who wants to take someone’s last name and give it to my future children. I want the white dress, the dance, the pictures I didn’t get the first time around. I want to say, “We’ve been married 25 years now” or “When I got married, we did this ___.” I want to show society that even though the divorce rate is high and people give up for various reasons, that my future husband and I stay together because we WANT to and we knew we wanted to so much that we went ahead and made it legal and spent the money on the wedding because it doesn’t matter -we’re in it ’til the end. Also in reality, I know the statistics,  have witnessed marriages (including my own) fail, and don’t want to go through a divorce again.

I know I needn’t worry about any of this for a while, but we had talked about it and I’d been thinking about it. So, lovely readers- what are your thoughts?  Which is more reckless- knowing everyone has the choice to stay in the relationship or legally binding yourselves to each other, even though there’s a 50% chance it’ll end in divorce? Which is more rewarding?

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About dawn of april

Figuring life and the "about me" out as I go :) In a nutshell: I work, go to school, run a women's book club, support the local music scene in Denver, and whatever else floats my boat at the time.
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One Response to Love & Marriage.

  1. rlwyattcali says:

    Celebrating my 35th anniversary this year and having made it through the period of marriage where I actually thought we would not make it, no way, no how, I can tell you that at least from my experience – bite the bullet and choose the legal route. It sounds cliche’, I know, but love truly does hit you upside the head when you least expect it…..and then when you get to be in your 50’s, (like I am), and still married, (like I am), and it’s never been better, (it really hasn’t), then you can look down anything that comes your way. All we get to take with us in the end is our love and our memories….so I say make tons of both while you can!

    Nice rambling…I enjoyed reading it.

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