The Movies Behind Closed Eyes

Dreams. Are. Scary. Do they mean anything? Are they simply just our (sub)conscious fears coming alive while we rest? Can they be used as predictions? Is it a way for deceased loved ones to send us messages/warnings? Or are they just nothing???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????I’ve always been curious about dreams, mostly because I tend to have some strange ones that I typically remember briefly into the next day. I’ve experienced deja vu with dreams but only with seemingly inconsequential things (a certain way I grab a particular railing, a group of people in a certain order wearing certain clothes, etc.) but I can never seem to remember what happened next from the dream. Of course I tell everyone around, “I’ve dreamt this very moment” and they (naturally) look at me a little odd and the moment is ruined.

Some dreams really rattle me. Like last night/this morning’s movie behind the eyes. It’s a little fuzzy now but in dream land I was a couple years older than I am now and had recently been diagnosed with stomach cancer (my dad’s aunt passed away because of that a decade or so ago). My boyfriend was in my dream, still as my significant other and he was a cancer survivor and had been in remission for some time. I don’t remember my prognosis but I do remember him not wanting to “go through” all the cancer stuff with me and thinking he might leave me. My dad was in the dream and though there were other cast members I’m sure, he’s the only one besides myself and the boyfriend that I remember.

I’ve spent the better part of the day thinking about and analyzing and what I’ve come up with is this:
The last book I finished was John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars. (SPOILER*) In short it’s a book about a 16 year old girl with terminal cancer who falls in love with a boy in remission. She tried to avoid falling in love, not wanting to cause him any pain when she dies. But of course she can’t help it and they end up head over heels for each other. He ends up with a bad scan showing the cancer is back and has spread and ends up dying before her.
There’s obvious connections to be made by that. Clearly, I would want my boyfriend to be there with me, but I also wouldn’t want him to suffer and feel pain. The cancer being of the stomach (not what hers was in the book)may come to play because mine hasn’t been feeling the best as of late and someone in my family did have stomach cancer (though to be fair, someone closer in my family had colon cancer). My dad may be explained because it was on his side of the family that the stomach cancer was found and/or since he’s anti doctors and has said if he’s ever sick he’s going to “let nature take it’s course” and doesn’t want an autopsy or any tests done.

Hopefully not all of them.

Hopefully not all of them.

I’m sure I’m over thinking it, as I do most things. It just really shook me up. Dreams can be so weird. Anyone have thoughts on them/their meaning, if any?


About dawn of april

Figuring life and the "about me" out as I go :) In a nutshell: I work, go to school, run a women's book club, support the local music scene in Denver, and whatever else floats my boat at the time.
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2 Responses to The Movies Behind Closed Eyes

  1. RFL says:

    Anytime I’m worried about something, it will typically manifest itself in a dream. Sometimes they get hard to let go of, or to not take as an omen or something, but I usually just chalk it up to my subconscious taking everything I’ve consumed visually and verbally in a day, and banging it all around trying to make sense of it. The Fault in Our Stars is such a moving book, and I had dreams about cancer for a few days after I finished it as well. I hope you feel better soon.

    • Thank you 🙂 I am feeling better… I also cut 95% of dairy out of my diet so that’s a bummer. I’m glad to know/ I feel a little bad that it’s not just me who has those kind of dreams. I’ll wake up in the morning mad at my other half because of a dream and though I know it was a dream I’m still a little annoyed throughout my shower- they’re a powerful thing! 🙂

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