So the other night I was at a tavern and made friends with the doorman. We started talking about jobs. Evidently a lady he’d recently met and was hoping to “get to know” was going to come out but she had to go to work for an hour and a half…from 10-11:30PM. Now, not having conversed extensively with this woman, he wondered what kind of job she might have where she only worked for a little over an hour on a Friday night. Naturally, we both assumed she was a “lady of the night” AKA prostitute. He (let’s call him…Mike cuz I have no idea what his name was) wasn’t so comfortable with that so we started thinking what else it could possibly be. Here’s what we came up with:
A stripper (she needed to go do a quick bachelor party)
A drug dealer who needed to do a drop off and a pick-up at another location
A Walter White wannabe and she needed to do the next step in her “cook”
A Dexter wannabe and she needed that time to capture her victim, shoot him up with the tranquilizer and get him (you like how I assume it’s a guy?) tied down so she could return to him later.
Still nothing Mike was comfortable with in a potential mate. I informed him it was OK to ask her what she does when she already said she would come out after she was done working. While we waited for the responding text, we actually tried to think of legitimate things it could be- they were a stretch:
A nurse who just needed to check on a patient who needed night meds and help getting ready for bed (?)
A babysitter for a “lady of the night”
A babysitter for a drug dealer, Walter White, or Dexter
A bar tender who just needed to help cover a busy hour
A night auditor (?)
A night security person who just needed to be there when a business closed and make sure all the doors were locked, cash safely deposited, etc. – we ruled this one out when he pointed out she was maybe 5’4” and 125 pounds…
At this point we had reeled in a couple other folks to the conversation and we didn’t come up with anything extra. So we waited patiently for her response. And we waited. And a little more. Someone suggested a night shift baby nanny- she just needed to go in when the baby “typically” woke up, feed him or her, put them back down, and she was free for another couple of hours . One other person thought maybe she is taking care of someone’s dogs/animals while they’re on vacation and she needed to go let them out to use the bathroom, feed them, maybe exercise them a bit.
Finally she sent a response, “I work in promotions.”
Double You Tee Eff does that mean?!
Tell me, dear followers. Seriously- he responded with, “Oh cool, what kind of promotions?” and when I left for the night at 11, Mike still hadn’t heard back. So, I never found out. Do you lovely people have any suggestions? Cuz I still think she was “promoting” her body…