Tips for Successfully Being the “Other Woman”

I am the “other woman”.  Yes, my boyfriend is married…and I’m ok with it. He doesn’t wear a ring and there are no legal documents to really support the marriage. I get to share a bed/house/a life with him so I’m ok with it. In fact I support it whole heartedly and encourage him to spend time with his beloved, even when I would much rather spend the evening snuggling on the couch. Here’s why.

He’s married to another guitarist, a bass player, a drummer, multiple instruments, and other musical devices. So I’m not too jealous because I know that I am prettier than all of them…except maybe the Les Paul with its sparkly bad-ass metallic silver swirls or maybe the Schecter that’s always a different shade of beautiful blue, depending on the lighting…or maybe the red…damn. Well anyways, he can’t realistically do “naked things” with a guitar anyways. Right?…

I’m not going to lie- it’s not easy being a “band wife” (yes I know that makes no sense because I’ve implied the band is the wife and I am the dirty mistress, but I’m not going to call myself and the other ladies ‘band mistresses’ so if you think of something better, let me know- in the meantime let me continue..). Future groupies- pay attention. Half of you will just want to sleep with all the rockers and then move on to the next band coming to your town- maybe you’re smart for that because it is the easy road. The other half of you will try to get them to fall for you and take you with them and live happily ever after. But what do you think that is? Now that he’s found you he can quit touring and serenade you every night? That you guys can have babies and all of the money you need because rock-stars are rich? Sorry sweetie, but 9.9 times out of 10 that’s not how it goes.

If you are going to be with a musician and he wants to make music his career, you have to be 100% committed, patient, understanding, flexible, and confident in your relationship. You have to actually be in love with him for this to work or you’ll lose your shit.  He’ll be gone a lot practicing for the next show, or if the practice space is where you guys are starting your happily ever after you’ll be dealing with a lot of loud noise, sweaty guys, and occasionally alcohol. It doesn’t matter if it’s the “Grey’s Anatomy Season Finale”, they have to practice before their show on Friday. Guess you should have sprung for DVR.

You must understand, especially if you’re going for the front-man (the lead singer), that girls will OOGLE over him, regardless of his looks. If he is actually good looking, it will be three times as bad- if he’s the best looking in the band AND plays an instrument, it gets downright ridiculous. You absolutely cannot get jealous of these women- keep in mind he chose you and keeps coming home to you. If you start losing confidence in your relationship, you aren’t going to be able to be as supportive as you need to be because you’re going to worry all the time and he is going to catch on to that, get frustrated by it, and will actually start looking at those other women to see if they would potentially be a better fit for what he needs.

Being flexible is another must if you are going to live the “dream” of being the mistress behind the music. Don’t try to schedule anything you want your man at more than a month in advance and if you do- don’t get excited about it because if he gets a call and some great venue wants them to play on a bill with some really sweet bands, you better hope you can reschedule your plans. And when you’re at these venues watching their show- you have to be the videographer, photographer, beer-fetcher, and the “hype” – get people in front of the stage and clap, dance, have a good time- responsibly. You can’t be the drunkest person in the world stumbling around trying to get people excited about the music and up dancing when you can’t even say the name of the band without slurring. Plus, people are going to buy him drinks for a show well done- you should stay sober enough to drive.

You will be appreciated, but not from on-stage. The people you bring to shows will see all you are trying to do for your man and his band and will say what a great girlfriend you are. After the show, on the way home (oh yeah, you hardly get to talk to him at gigs because he has to be polite and go say hi and thank everyone for coming), he will tell you how wonderful you are and how lucky he is to have you. On stage he’ll thank his 4th cousins for finally coming out to a show, his boss for showing up and allowing him to leave work early to make load-ins and such, his sisters friend that nobody has seen since high school, but just happened to be back visiting- but never his woman. There is a reason for this and it is legitimate- if he thanks his lady, people may think different things- she only comes to a show every now and again so they must not be that good, she’s the only person he knows who came to the show, or on an opposite end- if people walk in and hear him talking about his awesome girl, the other women in the audience aren’t as likely to pay attention and go buy merchandise. So, there is a method to all of this madness. “April, how do you know of this?” you ask; remember I am dating a musician- a beautiful specimen of a man, lead singer, and guitar player. Plus, I am no idiot- if any of you ever really pondered these notions you’d find them logical. Though I haven’t touched on the myth that rockstars are rich- you can google that on your own because it’d be a lengthy paragraph and I’m tired.

I will say that it is absolutely worth it and here’s why. As I said earlier- you have to actually be in love with him and when you are, you will see that (besides you) music is his passion- it makes him happy. When he’s happy, you’re happy- win! I am one of the lucky ladies. I have an awesome other half who explains things to me and includes me in his musical endeavors whenever he can. Sometimes I am the first to hear songs, because he values my opinion. He gives me a pretty good heads up when shows are scheduled- and he actually wants me there, whether or not I bring anyone or get great pictures/video and we talk beforehand about who will drive that evening so we know who is enjoying drinks and try to take turns. I am truly lucky to have someone aware of both sides and appreciate what I do and I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.



*Side note- I seem to have gotten over my recent bout of writer’s block…maybe just admitting it was there helped…who can know…either way- I feel better. *


About dawn of april

Figuring life and the "about me" out as I go :) In a nutshell: I work, go to school, run a women's book club, support the local music scene in Denver, and whatever else floats my boat at the time.
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2 Responses to Tips for Successfully Being the “Other Woman”

  1. shittydad says:

    Can’t compete with a Les Paul…

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